Thai girls and Farangs?

A few weeks ago my Thai girlfriend asked me what ignorance means. This got me thinking. The Cambridge on-line dictionary gives the following definition:

“ignorance
noun [U]
lack of knowledge, understanding or information about something:
Public ignorance about the disease is still a cause for concern.
Patients, it is claimed, were kept/left in ignorance of what was wrong with them.”

Usually here in Thailand the Thai people, at least to most Farangs, are the ones considered to be ignorant. The ignorance that do exist among Thais is sad and takes some regretful expressions. The normal misconception that if foreigners could buy land in Thailand we would by it all is one expression, seriously right now you can hardly get tourists to come here let alone invest here. If Farangs could buy 1 or 2 rai of land it would hardly make a difference to anyone but the Farangs who could then feel the security of owning their own home. That all Farangs only come to this wonderful country to have sex with young girls is another common misconception. This ignorance can in most cases be excused by poor education, lack of travel experience and by spending to much time around the “wrong” kind of Farang. There are a lot of Thais that are far from ignorant but these are not the ones that are seen hanging out with Farangs in the Sukhumvit area after dark or even the ones working in the “normal” tourist industry on the service level.

What I wanted to write a little about is the ignorance that is abundant among the Farangs in Thailand. This ignorance can not be explained by a lack of education or lack of travel experience and I therefore find it more sad. The most common expression of this ignorance I come across is the tendency of Farangs to think that all Thai girls are like the ones they meet in Soi Cowboy or Nana. Or even to think that all the bar girls they meet there are alike. This way to look at the Thai girls is just as ignorant as to think that all Farangs are dirty, fat bastards that are only interested in having sex with girls hardly old enough to be out of school and that all Farangs are filthy rich. It is just far from the truth.

Most Thai girls here in Bangkok, and all over Thailand, would not be caught dead in the places frequented by these ignorant Farangs. If a Farang thinks he can treat a “normal” Thai girl the way he treats the girls in Patpong he will be in for a surprise! This seems to be very difficult for many to understand. The girls that frequent the Farang bars and nightclubs are usually not representative for the typical Thai girl.

I often see posts where bitter Farangs says that the Thai girls are all liars and cheaters. I see advice about keeping the girls on a short leach and never to trust them. Advice about how to use the financial inequalities to your advantage to be able to use the girls in ways that no Farang girl would put up with. What the fuck! What gives these guys the right to treat these girls this way?? Is it OK just because they are poor? No wonder that some of these girls take every opportunity to get back at the lying cheating Farangs.

To me this is ignorance speaking! Ignorance about the Thai culture, these girls backgrounds, the reality of a bar girl and about what kind of behavior these girls get subjected to. No wonder these guys have a lot of bad experiences with Thai girls if this is the way they treat them. It makes me sick!

If you want a good relationship with a Thai girl I would recommend that you look for her in other places than Nana, Soi Cowboy, Patong or Pattaya. It will save you a lot of headache in the future. There are a lot of nice, beautiful and well educated girls out there that don't sell sex for a living. If you do meet a girl who works in the “service” industry it is important to remember that not all people are alike. There are good girls among these girls that have been forced into this line of work by harsh realities but really want to get out. Unfortunately there are also a lot of rotten apples in the barrel. The only way to find out for sure if your girl is a good one is to take a bite. If you want her to be good to you you have to be good to her. If you want her to be loyal to you and to be able to trust her you have to first show her that she can trust you! It's not easy to understand what it's like to be poor if you have never been there. And also like apples, the longer they are around the more rotten they become.

These girls can usually not get very good jobs since they don't have a lot of education. They have to keep working or find someone who can take care of them and their families. If you expect her to give up her, for Thais, very lucrative line of work you will have to compensate her somehow, and no! Your love is not enough! The girls will usually accept a big cut into their expense account for someone they really love but it's not fair to expect a girl to go from making around 40-200 000 bath a month to living on peanuts. And if you are not willing to help out her parents just forget about her! It is expected in this country, not only an act to make the Farangs pay, and if you are not willing to go along with it it will mean a huge loss of face for your girl. Don't go there! If you were making 700-7 000 $ US per month on your own would you be willing to be with someone if that meant that you would be giving up your income and relying totally on her for support? Especially if she was only willing to part with 300 $ US a month for your expenses?? Not to mention that it would mean that your parents had to move out of their retirement home! Didn't think so but yet this is normally expected by the self proclaimed “knights in shining armor” that sweeps in and thinks they are rescuing the Thai girl from her awful life. To be honest most of these knights in armor are not so shining either. Seriously, how can a fat guy in his upper 50s think that there is true love between him and his 30 years younger beautiful girlfriend? Sometimes there can be, for sure, but how often?? If you want to win her heart you have to win her family also and show her that you are a good guy deserving of her loyalty and that you will take care of her. And in this country that means you have to cough up some money.

Many times when my friends get into trouble with bar girls (or usually freelancers) it is because they have not yet won the girls trust. Most of my friends are very generous to their girls so money is usually not a problem. By generous I don't mean that they drop thousands of $ on them but they make sure that the girl understands the limitations that exists and that the guy is helping her out to the extent that he is capable. Sometimes, at least in the beginning of a relationship, they don't disclose all their financial information because they are wary of gold diggers but they make sure that the girlfriend don't think that they are holding out on them. After all if you love someone why would you? At least thats the way she will look at it. Because the girl have seen the things you see in her line of work and because of all the stories she hear from her friends it will take a long time to win her trust. Before that you can not expect her to cold drop all her other options. Before she feels safe with you this will not happen!! For my current girlfriend it took a few months before she finally changed phone number on her own initiative. Because of circumstances known to her but that I am not willing to share here, her trust in me is a big thing! None of us knows what the future holds so I am very grateful to her for investing so fully in me. If the girl thinks that you may leave her anytime why would she close doors in her life? Would you? Give up your living and put all your trust in someone who you don't know will be here tomorrow? Didn't think so either.

Yet there are a lot of Farangs out there who expects the current girl of their choice to drop everything for him whilst they are short changing her and giving her no reassurances that they will stay together what so ever. And then they get surprised and disappointed when the girl looks after herself?? And then they start badmouthing Thai girls in general without looking at what they might have done wrong?! Off course I know that also good guys have bad experiences with girls in Thailand but this can normally be explained by the way the girl has been treated before, if not by this guy by someone else, or by the way she looks upon all Farangs in her own ignorance. If this is not ignorance I don't know what is.

If you get involved with a “working” Thai girl make sure you bring up these questions early. Ask her straight up how much money she will need to give up her work, if that's what you want, and how much you are expected to contribute to the family. Also explain to her that lying is a big no no for Farangs even if it is done to protect someones feelings. This is not so in Thailand which you should know by now. Tell her what your interest in her is, and do be honest! If you are not in it for the long run don't expect her to be loyal to you either. If you are, make sure that she knows it and that she feels that she can actually trust you to stick around. This may take some time so you have to be patient.

I would recommend everyone who is interested in having a Farang Thai relationship to read the book Thailand Fever! If you don't, som num naa!



Even if you are together with a good hearted and loyal ex “working” girl there are things that you have to consider. Usually the girl will be a lot younger than you and you will have to deal with this. Maybe she likes to go out more than you? What were you like when you were her age? How much time have you spent in bars and nightclubs in your life before you realized that you won't miss anything by staying in? In my opinion a caged girl will never be happy. If you can't keep up with your girl it's not right to make her slow down to your pace, you are only young once! Let her be young, after all it's your choice to be with a younger girl. The difference in education might or might not be a problem, it is different for everyone. It is something you should be aware of though. If I didn't have close friends to have good discussions with I would probably go crazy! If you are planing or are doing business here in Thailand and if this includes dining with Thais and their partners you might get some problems. Thais can spot a “working” girl a mile away and they don't like hanging out with them. It doesn't look good! This might spill over on you also, beware.

Thats it for now, now I have to entertain my girlfriend a little before we are going out to party in the Bangkok night. We will probably be in Slim on RCA and in Narcissus later, see you there!