Girl friend problems...

Well what can I say. I've been together with my girlfriend for 9 months now and we have had our ups and downs but all in all I've had nothing to complain about. She has been faithful and loyal. Not even a hint of any lying or going behind my back. I guess I found a good one.

The problem is that I've been forced to leave everything I had behind when I came to Thailand and that means the money situation is a bit tight. She gave up a very good income to be with me and I guess our money problems are getting to her. Especially that we have not been able to send any money home to mom for the last 3 months. I understand that this is a big problem for her but there really is nothing I can do.

I'm going to have to go back to my country soon to sort out some problems I have there and we had agreed that she was going to go stay with some of my friends down south. I have a small income that would support her down there and even let her send some money back home.

When she woke up today, she was up almost all night, she told me that she thought that she couldn't go down south because she needed to take care of mom. I asked if she was going back to Isaan but she said no. I then asked if she was thinking about starting to work again and she said yes. She said that she wants to build a house for mom and that she can't wait too long.

I understand her but I'm not at all happy about it. Don't know if I can stay together with her if I know she is going with other guys.

She is at least honest but that's not enough...

Don't know what to do now...

Read more...

Another Dirty night out in Bangkok.

A friends girlfriend came up to Bangkok yesterday morning to do some business and to make a police report about some guy who took her money but never delivered the goods she bought from him last time she was in Bangkok. Apparently she had to come all the way to Bangkok from Ko Tao to see the police here because she payed by a bank transfer from a bank here. The police in Ko Tao wouldn't help her but she is Thai so she thinks this is normal.

Anyways, last time she was here we didn't get a chance to go out with her so we thought we'd remedy that now. After arguing with my girlfriend for an hour about where to go on a Wednesday night we ended up at Bed Supperclub, her choice. It was a lot of people, as usual, but I really don't like that place. Most people who go there would drown if they went outside in the rainy season because they have their noses so far up in the air they would fill up with water. But as we were late getting out, after midnight, we didn't have much choice. RCA is a bit to far from where I live to just pop over for a quickie and Thong Lor / Ekkamai was soon closing. And they did have alcohol in Bed also. After a good first tip to the very cute bartender the strength of our drinks vastly increased. I don't understand cheap tippers, but I guess they get what they pay for. Finally it was after 2 am and I could convince the girls to go to Narcissus. :-) There is still not many people there on the week nights but it's getting better. Last night I made friends with some apparently very "big" and "bad" Thais that had seen me there partying many times and had seen that I was friendly with the staff. One of the girls who knows them, and us, draged me over to them so they could say hello. She was repeating over and over that I was a great guy and a "good" Farang, whatever that means. A quick thought in the back of my mind made me double check my money though. They seem like a nice bunch as long as you are on their friendly side and you never know when "bad" acquaintances can come in handy. Just after 4 am our friend wanted to go home and offered to take a taxi back to our place on her own. My girlfriend, who at that time was very drunk, wouldn't have it but said that we should all go together. I was just getting loved up and enjoying myself but I didn't fight about it. Surprisingly enough I could actually fall asleep without any help and slept for a good 7 hours.

Night graded at a 5 on the decadence scale. Will have to do better tomorrow since it's my birthday.

Read more...

Thieving bar girls continued.

I got a reply to my comment on the Farang speaks 2 much blog. I will publish it here in it's entirety as well as my response.

"“And wosch! Here comes the Farang in shining armor to rescue the girl from her awful job and come live with him. On one condition though… Give up your high income and start working for 7 000 bath a month plus the change I will throw you every month. See how you can keep sending generous amounts of money back to mommy with that.”

Was this the formula you used to pull your girl out? Seriously, I have to say your examples and comments are so conflicting and convoluted I can’t make sense out of what you’re tryin to say. In the end it seems you’re sayin that since she came out of the bar industry you should expect here to steal if, except if you treat her well… but then again she might steal anyway if she left her old job and you didn’t make it worth her time financially to leave (WTF?)…and even if she does steal, keep her because it’s probably your fault to begin with.

“Off course it’s a job that most of the girls don’t enjoy very much but selling sex is not the same for them as it is for us.” (pmmp & smitty, can you start the TFS2M Blog Awards to be held at the Mango on the anniversary of the Blog? I’d like to nominate the previous phrase for the TFS2M Understatement of the Year.) “Here it is not coupled with the same stigma as in the west which means that for many of these girls it’s ok to do it.”

Really? Most of the girls don’t enjoy very much? Does that mean most girls enjoy it some? I guess most the girls I talk to aren’t the 100k-200k baht girls, because almost all of them dislike to outright despise selling the box. And here’s something, if it’s not coupled with the same stigma in Thailand as other parts of the world as you suggest, then why do so many of these girls fail to disclose to their Thai boyfriends that they’re stuffing the box with Grade A Sausages (farang & Thai) and also seem to fail to tell their parents what they really do? Yea, I know some who do tell their family, but I see and hear hookers in the USA do that as well (hear of Howard Stern? He’s practically made a career of it Seems the working girls have no problem talking about their work or the money on his show). So what make this profession so unique in Thai society again; was it the being more accepted part or was it the people doing things they don’t like to do because they’re dirt poor and have no other option part?

Getting back to the stealing issue….

To say that theft is OK in certain circumstances is laughable.

To say “what do you expect when …” is also laughable.

Here’s a little anecdote germane to the topic:

Both my parents worked, so my mom would hire housekeepers to help tidy up the place. The women who were hired were not from a cleaning company but were in most cases poor woman from non-profit placement organizations who could provide cleaning, baby-sitting and other domestic services. In other cases the women were working as house cleaners for friends of my mother. Guess what, things would occasionally disappear! I would guess that over the 10 or so years that maybe 5 or 6 of those women were canned because things were disappearing. Were these women making so much money before that took a less paying job to make some cash? What do you think? The really interesting thing is the women who were referred to my mother by her friends were the worst offenders and I can remember one instance where my mother brought this up with her friend that it was an eye opener because after connecting the dots said friend realized where the items from her household were probably going (previously she thought it was one of her teenage kids drug addicted friends stealing the stuff).

Would any of you, having found a housekeeper who did everything perfect and everything you wanted, keep her after she stole from you one time? How about twice? Three times?

Years ago, I remember a certain school of thought being pushed in some colleges which can best be exemplified by this example which was actually used in the classroom, “If a woman was stealing food so that her homeless and starving family was able to eat”, was the act a) right or wrong and b) justified? It surprised me when I found I was in the minority to say it was absolutely wrong whether it was justified or not (and it was most certainly justified in the mind of the mother committing the act). The common theme was people said, “It’s OK to steal in this situation because….” Maybe this is why we have these depraved acts of theft by the Bernard Madoff’s and other obnoxiously and not so obnoxiously wealthy men and women? There’s too much justifying an act due to the circumstances: Bullshit. Wrong is wrong. The severity of the wrong should dictate the punishment, in any situation. It doesn’t make one act less wrong than another. I know this isn’t sitting well with the readers who are in the “there are different shade of gray majority. I guess if your domain of morality is a spectrum of grays then it’s a whole lot easier to say an issue isn’t black and white. In that school, I guess it’s also easier to justify the actions of your girlfriend stealing from you and keep her.

Do you get my point here? Doesn’t matter the industry someone works in nor does it matter the need or socio-economic strata. If someone has justified it in their mind to steal then they will steal: how much it may hurt someone they know or supposed care about be damned.

That’s not me. This is Thailand and there are many, many attractive girls out there. This trust has been broken. I would find a 5K baht/month apartment, paid 3 months in advance, had her personal items moved, changed my locks and had her dropped her at her new pad.

But that’s me. The can see black and white, cold hearted farang who always negotiates and has never had anything stolen."
Bubba


Hey Bubba!

I understand that you think most of what I write is BS and that’s ok. I guess I’m more of a different shades of gray guy than a black and white guy. I would say that it is ok for a poor mother to steal food to feed her her starving family. Not if she was steeling from someone who was equally poor but if it was from someone who had plenty, then yes. Even if it was from me, if I had plenty.. ;-P I think this is called empathy? Maybe I’m also a bigger fan of Robbin Hood than you are?

I think most legal systems in the world take the reasons for an action into account when passing sentence on a crime (killing in self defense would be the extreme, is killing right or wrong?) so I would say that most of society is more gray than black and white. It can’t be easy to be black and white, especially not in a very gray society like Thailand.

The wosch bit was supposed to be irony but maybe that was lost? I was trying to put a finger on the strange attitude of many Farangs that the ex bar girl girlfriend should be grateful to get the opportunity to live of the scraps from the Farangs table. I’m saying that if you don’t show love, trust and loyalty how can you expect to get it back? You heard about self fulfilling prophecies? I’m also saying that if you don’t understand the basic need of the girlfriend, eg taking care of the family back home, you will get into trouble eventually because to most Thai girls the family is the first priority and they will do anything for them, even steal and f..k for money.

I’m not saying it’s ok to steal, I was addressing the general attitude of many Farangs, and maybe I strayed from the subject a little. I was just so taken by the willingness of people on high horses to pass immediate judgment without asking for the reason behind the action or to consider the Thai culture. It’s not uncommon here to go behind someones back as to not bother them with problems. For a Farang this is not ok but it will take some time to recondition someone who has grown up in another culture, Farang or Thai.

For me it is hard to give any advice about the “theft” without knowing more about the reasons for taking the money. Does she have a gambling or drug problem? Did she get into bad debt for helping her parents, maybe she borrowed money from someone else because she didn’t want to worry the boyfriend and now she couldn’t pay back? Or maybe she is just a bad apple? If you had a Farang girlfriend, since two years, who stole some money from the household account because she had a gambling or drug problem would you then drop her like a piece of garbage or try to get her help?

And seriously… I can’t really see how you can talk about Bernard Madoff in this context?? But maybe that’s the gray in me that acknowledges the difference in motive?

I’m so fed up with all Farangs who come here trying to impose our different morals as the only right way. This is right, that is wrong and you all should do like we do back home in the US or in Europe. We are the ones who are guests in a different country, adjust or leave. We westerners seem to be pissed off about all immigrants that refuse to assimilate when moving to our countries yet many of us don’t see that maybe we also need to change our attitudes when entering another society and culture.

About the money it’s my view that if you ask someone to give up a high income (I would guess that most girls that are considered girl friend material for a Farang make at lest 50 000+ bath a month) and the possibility to support the family back home you have to look at what you are bringing to the table. This is not different from a Farang Farang relationship and in the west it is not uncommon to compensate age and poor looks with money and status. These girls consider it ok to f..k for money or they would already be working in 7 eleven so taking that bit out of the equation might not amount to such a high value as many Farangs seems to think. The I hate my job line is often true but sometimes also exaggerated to gain the pity of the Farang and make him more willing to open his wallet wider.

And just because the girls don’t tell their parents outright what they do for a living it doesn’t mean that the parents, and most everybody else, don’t know where the money is coming from. I find it hard to believe that the people in Isaan think that all the girls coming back from Bangkok, Phuket and Pattaya with Farang husbands met their men in the grocery store, do you? Or that they can believe that their little girl, who only finished 6th grade in school, can get a job that pays well enough for her to send 5-10 000 bath home every month. Everyone knows what the girls are doing in Pattaya but as long as the money finds it’s way home no one talks about it. One reason they don’t tell is that it is important in Thailand to have the opportunity of plausible denial but I guess you know this already. If you don’t talk about something it doesn’t exist.

We apparently disagree and that’s fine I just wanted to clarify my points and say thank you for the nomination.

CYA!

Read more...

Supporting your ex bar girl girlfriend?

I copied this from a post on the "The FARANG speks 2 much" blog. One of my favorite Blogs!

"If the girl wants some spending money, then guess what, she should get a F***ing job and work like the rest of us. It is this attitude of giving girls money for nothing that is spreading like a disease. While I do believe that we should take care of them in many instances (Lodging, Food, basic necessities etc.), that is it. The chances are that the money you have was not just handed to you, and you probably worked very hard for it. The idea that a woman should get paid for sitting on your couch watching Thai soap operas between multiple cat naps is insulting, and should not be accepted by anyone. Now of course, if there are kids involved, that can be a full-time job so that of course would be an exception, but otherwise, tell them to get off their keekiat ass and get to work, at a normal basic job. Even if its just 7K a month at 7-11, its better than nothing."

The thing is that usually when guys hook up with a “working” girl she already has a job. And one that pays very well. My girlfriend was making 100-200 000 Bath a month before she met me plus the 50 000 she was getting every month from some poor schmuck in Europe. And yes, I know this for a fact because I know what her friends rake home every month working in the luxury hotels. Not all girls make this kind of money though. Off course it’s a job that most of the girls don’t enjoy very much but selling sex is not the same for them as it is for us. Here it is not coupled with the same stigma as in the west which means that for many of these girls it’s ok to do it. They don’t consider themselves in need of rescue even though most of them would rather settle down with someone who can support them. A dream they share with most Thai girls, educated “good” girls and uneducated “bad” girls. Just look at all the soap operas they feed themselves with in this country. Most Thai girls want to be a “house” wife. It’s also not uncommon in this country that the man works and then hands over his salary check to his wife at the end of the month to let her take care of the financials, after all she does most of the shopping.

And wosch! Here comes the Farang in shining armor to rescue the girl from her awful job and come live with him. On one condition though… Give up your high income and start working for 7 000 bath a month plus the change I will throw you every month. See how you can keep sending generous amounts of money back to mommy with that.

How many Farang guys would quit their job and take one that pays maybe one tenth of what they were previously making for a girl? Some might do it but I’ll bet you that these ones already have a big chunk of cash in the bank and are no longer motivated by money. These girls don’t and are therefore highly motivated by money! If you’ve never been poor it’s hard to understand. They are also motivated by the fact that they consider it their duty to take care of their equally poor family financially, if they don’t it’s a huge loss of face and that was the reason they left for Bangkok in the first place.

They are expected to give this up for a Farang that may or may not be here in the next few months. What would you do if you were in her shoes?

If you want your girl to stop working it’s only fair to compensate here for her loss of income. Wouldn’t you expect to be compensated? If you are not willing to do that don’t complain when she goes with customers. And no, giving your love is not compensation enough, it doesn’t bring food to mommys table. I’m not saying that you should compensate her up to the amount that she was making before she met you but this is something you will have to work out with the girl. If she loves you she will accept a huge loss in income as long as she feels she can still take care of the family, if she doesn’t, tough luck, your love is not shared move on.

All relationships are give and take. How many Farang Farang relationships have ended because one party was not ready to give up the career to relocate, didn’t want to live far from the family etc. If what you get is not at par with what you give or have to give up it will not work it’s as simple as that.

Good luck to all you guys who give it a shot!

CYA!

Read more...

Stealing Thai girl

I ran across this post on the Internet today:

“Okay, changing the topic to something a little darker, I met a nice guy and fellow blogger the other night in the bar and as often happens I heard an interesting tale, or rather, dilemma faced by the love struck Punter. I asked him if it was okay to share with the elite tfs2m readership for their thoughts and he was game. I mean, it’s free advice so I’m sure there will be no regrets.
Here’s the deal, he’s been dating this girl for about two years, yes, an ex-bargirl. Let’s call her CNN (he told us she likes to watch news over thai soap operas which he concerned him). Our Punter friend we will call nowwhat? is a middle-aged semi-retired decent kind of guy. I actually don’t know him that well but he reads this blog so he should be okay, right?
nowwhat? was checking his bank balances recently and noticed a mysterious withdrawal of 10,000 baht. The bank confirmed that it was made with his card on the specified date. Later that day CNN came clean and admitted in tears that she needed the money desperately to pay some debt. She took his card and knew his PIN from looking over his shoulder when he withdrew money.
nowwhat? was and still is devastated and to make matters worse, he’s really in love with her. According to him she’s been an absolute dream the past two years. He’s happier than Michael Phelps watching a Cheech and Chong film and couldn’t stop singing her praises, and I could tell he genuinely does love her even though he was a few Pints in. Perplexed and desperate he spilled this out on me and two friends at the bar and we were happy to offer our slightly inebriated services. We genuinely did want to help the guy which is part of the reason I am mentioning it here.
There were mixed suggestions from the group session at the bar so I wanted to see if other’s could help nowwhat? out here.”


I will add some of the comments here also:

"The one thing nowwhat? cannot do is allow his emotions to cloud his judgment. He needs to step back from the situation to rationally look at what has happened and what the implications are. Then, he will see clearly that this relationship isn’t going to last. It is best to dump it on his terms now instead of waiting for further complications." Cruizn

"A guy who throws his dog to the pound over one pile of dookie, has no business owning a dog." MrLucky (Right said! Bangkok John.)

"Tough situation nowwhat finds himself in..it’s a slippery slope. The question is..why didnt she just tell him the truth about her debts and ask for his help? If she is willing to conceal this kind of stuff, she is willing to conceal more..and one would need to ask..”Is she really trustworthy?”

Seems to me that old habits are hard to break..and an ex-bargirls ability to trust and be honest are not exactly well documented.

I dont think a serious relationship with any bargirl (x or not) is ever possible…" Indu WangZi

"@Nowwhat- The fact that she, at one time, looked over his shoulder while he was at the ATM and remembered his pin code shows that her deeds were precalculated, and not just an instantaneous mistake based on a knee-jerk reaction, or desperate need of the money. I would set her up, and see if she takes the bait." I Phukit

"A couple of years into our relationship my (now) wife took a small gold statue of mine to the gold store and cashed it. I caught her in the act and she was pretty distraught - ended up her parents really needed some cash (legitimately) and she was really afraid that I would say no if she asked me. She is real miserly in giving cash to the family and helps me to save money in day to day transactions, so I didn’t sweat the act. Actually, what it did do was make me ask why she felt that I wouldn’t help for something which is important for her.

Now, nine years later still going strong and she actually helps save money out of the allowance I give her." Naki


My response:

Wow!

Some of you guys are really cynical. Like you all have clean consciouses, whore mongers as you are! ;-P Go home and tell your mom about your experiences and see what relationship advice she will give to any future potential girlfriend. Stay the fuck away from my son!!! For your own sake... Self righteous pricks!

She looked over his shoulder and that proves it was premeditated?? Really? I've got a good memory and I probably know the ATM codes of 4 or 5 of my friends, and my Thai girlfriends. Doesn't mean I'm planning to rip them off.

He has been with her for two years and this is her first slip up and a lot of you guys wants him to axe her without hesitation. I'm pretty sure some of you guys treat these girls anyway but nice and that if a girl cheats you back it would be well deserved. Why do you think so many bar girls hate Farangs? Because we are so honest to them and treat them so nice?? Most of these girls start in the business hoping to marry with a nice and rich Farang but after being fucked (in all ways) by a few they start fucking back. Who wouldn't? I do believe that most of them want out of the “game” and that if the right option comes along, and can win their long lost trust back, it can work. It will not be easy, like living with an addict trying to give up the drug of choice, but if you love someone and you believe they really want to change some people will give it a shot. It will not always end well but sometimes it does.

I've been a shit for a good part of my life and I know that people change, from first hand experience, which is why I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. 10 years ago my mom was handing out the before mentioned relationship advice to anyone who wanted to listen...

Fact is anyone can slip up, and does. If this was a Farang girl what would you do? Or maybe some of you think that would never happen with an honest Farang girl?? They are not all perfect you know, Anna Nicole Smith anyone?

OK, my advice:

Ask her what the money was for and why she didn't feel comfortable asking him for it. If the answer is satisfactory, let it slide but tell her that it's unacceptable to do like this and that if it happens again she is out the door. The Thais don't see things the same way as Farangs and sometimes what is unacceptable to us is totally normal, and no big deal, to them. It's a learning experience to have a Thai girlfriend, for both parties, and you have to be able to adjust just as you expect your girlfriend to do. If not, get a fat feminist Farang (FFF) girlfriend who will make your life a lot more miserable than most Thai girls will, bar girl or not.

I have a friend who had a similar experience with a Thai girlfriend. This girl is from a nice family, her dad is a judge and she works as a lawyer, and she would not go to any of the places where the “game” is played even under gun point. One time he caught her sending money to her, not so well off, aunt from their shared bank account, without telling him about it. When confronted it turned out that the aunt was sick and had been a long time (confirmed later in person). She didn't want to tell my friend because he works so hard and she didn't want him to have to worry about this. And this is a Thai girl with a good international education who has also studied in the USA. It is just the way they think, learn and accept or don't have a Thai girlfriend.

DON'T change the code on the ATM! It will only show her that he don't trust her anymore no matter if he says he forgives her or not. This will be very bad! Better to get a second bank account and keep most of the money there if he is worried it might happen again. That's the way you should do it anyway, you should never keep more than spending money on your ATM account or you are asking to get skimmed.

Good Luck!

Read more...

Make money online

So I've been doing some research. There are a lot of "make money from home", "make money online" and "get rich quick" schemes out there. They seem all to be focused around creating traffic to your website where the visitor will hopefully click on your sneakily places advertisement to make money for you. One way seems to build a lot of websites focusing around different popular subjects and cross linking these. Another seems to be to sell more or less useless ebooks on ebay. Yet another seems to be to make ebooks and upload them to torrent sites. These books are off course littered with links to follow.

I am in need of money so I will jump on this wagon also :-)

How ever I will not pester this blog with a lot of useless information, I will create another one! Here it is: Money Making Blogs, Exposed As you can see I will tell you every step I take to see if this works. That way you will also be able to judge for yourself if this is something for you. If it is, please help me out with a donation or by clicking on one of my ads...

I will also add this new blog to my bloglist.

Read more...